Box of Tissues
May 2, 2003 - 10:31 p.m.

I know we're never gonna get together again, and I understand that. I don't like it, but I've learned to live without him. Just the other day I stopped and thought about how I wouldn't be able to do little things like take spur-of-the-moment trips with Jenny before because I'd wonder how it would affect how much I would talk to him that day. I remember hanging out with people while we were together and thinking about when I would go home and talk to him again the whole time. It makes me realize how dependent I was, and how no matter how much this hurts, it's what's best for me. It just hurts not to be a part of his life anymore.

More than anything I just wanna have normal conversations with him again, but whenever I try it's never the way I wanted it to be. One of us gets pissed, or the conversation fades and I read into it too much. It's overall awkwardness. I don't know if it would still be that way because I haven't tried to IM him in awhile, but I'm so afraid to IM him. I used to place him so high above me in my mind when we together, and I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to have someone that amazing. I guess it makes sense that it ended. It was too good to be true. I still place him so high above me, so high that I'm ultimately intimidated by him. He made me feel like I was good enough, and then he rejected me and solidified my beliefs that I never was and never would be.

And now the box of tissues serves a purpose again. Ta! ~BOB

P.S. I finally got a livejournal. I was gonna write a big happy entry about it, but life got in the way.

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