Don't Fuck With My Olives
December 8, 2002 - 7:29 p.m.

For the most part, I'm feeling better, I guess. The thing is, I can be temporarily happy. I have so many cheap thrills, they often shield how I really feel. I guess that's why it took me so long to realize that I'm in a state of depression. I fool others and myself with my optimistic nature and the fact that little things make me happy. I look at my ability to be easily amused as a good thing most of the time, but when it offers deceit, I'm not so sure anymore.

I've been really emotional lately, and it's all period related. I started my period yesterday, and I'm still getting the emotions, I had a subtle break out, and a couple cramps. I guess the birth control is doing better than the other birth control, but I'd still like to go without the emotional shit. I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Speaking of cake, today I made The Ultimate Cake Mix. This is, of course, a compilation of my favorite Cake songs. The band.. not the dessert. It made me very happy. Also, I decorated my shoes with glitter glue. Ah, the cheap thrills... they almost make up for the fact that I haven't started my ten page research paper.

Last night I got in an argument with Jenny ah-gain. I'm really getting sick of always arguing with her, but I'm also sick of being in a one-sided friendship. I hate arguing with her because she never considers what I'm saying; she just defends herself. I told her she hurts me by expecting me to help her with homework, expecting me to always do what she wants to do or adjusting my plans to fit what she wants to do, and never making any adjustments or helping me in any way. She said she didn't understand without examples. Amidst trying not to cry loud enough to wake up my roommate and all the other stress clouding my mind, it took awhile for me to come up with some examples. When I finally did she gave a reason for each and every one of them. And then she says I'm not good enough at explaining myself and she doesn't know how to stop hurting her if I don't tell her how she's doing it. I spent the whole damn night telling her how, and she just gave excuses for everything. I don't care why she does stuff, I just want her to stop doing it! I wanna feel like my friendship is worth something to her.

After the second night in a row of doing the trying-not-to-cry-too-loud-in-front-of-the-puter thing (the night before was my little argument with Charlie), I needed to get out of this damn dorm. I found out that Bowling for Columbine was actually playing in Monterey, so I invited Kevin to come with me, and he obliged. Wow, that movie was so good. When it comes out on video I'm gonna get my sister to buy it for me (I'm assuming she'll get some kinda discount since she works for mgm hehe), and I'll watch it like once a month to remind myself why the U.S. sucks. Everyone reading this should go see that movie now. It makes you think so much, and it makes you wanna move to Canada. We really live in a fucked up country.

I hate the food the DC serves on the weekend. The food court section isn't open, so the more-desired Mexican food and deli sandwiches aren't available. Today I had Lucky Charms, and that was yummy, but dinner sucked. I'm so sick of the salads here. AND they moved the olives to a new location in the salad bar. Wtf? I thought they had gotten rid of them. Don't fuck with my olives, man. There are few foods I love as much as olives.

I'm sorry to say this, but I'm getting kinda sick of my layout. I'm so proud of this thing cuz I did it all on my own and it's very purdyful. I mean really, I love it. But I've had it for so long I'm just kinda sick of it. I want something simple, but something that I probably wouldn't be able to make. My limited html skills really piss me off. I always want the layout that I can't make because I can't make it. I really don't feel like reading up on html more cuz it frustrates me so much, but I want to learn more and be one of those people who can just bust out with a design in a few minutes. I guess I'm in a bit of a pickle. I get so many compliments on this layout, I really don't wanna get rid of it. But dammit, I need change sometimes!

Well this entry is plenty long now. I have a slight been-in-front-of-the-puter-too-long/period-related headache. I think I might lay down and watch some teevee. yay. Ta! ~BOB

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