You think she's an open book, but you don't know which page to turn to, do you?

Thanksgiving Gone, Christmas to Come
December 2, 2003 - 12:00 a.m.

For someone so excited about her new layout, I sure am not writing much, huh? Well Thanksgiving weekend was busy, of course. All of the family events actually went off without a hitch. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. The only thing that dampened my spirits, actually, was my sister making me feel like shit as usual. I find it ironic that I was just trying to figure out the reason for my antisocial tendencies on here recently because when I escaped to my room Wednesday night to avoid crying over my parents paying attention to my sister and ignoring me, I came to a grand realization. I wondered why this was still affecting me so much at an older age, and that's when I made the connection between my childhood and my antisocialness. At family events, I was always the youngest cousin who was ignored by the other cousins. Then the adults would take pity on me and let me sit with them, but I wouldn't understand most of what they were talking about. Feeling ignored as a child could definitely lead to someone being hesitant about opening up to people as an adult, right? And when I was outgoing, my sister would always say something that made me feel stupid for doing what I was doing. That could lead to my fear of being outgoing and could explain why I always judge myself so critically. Since my sister isn't around to do it anymore, I do it myself. I don't know if I'm reading into things too much here, but I ran it by my parents, and they seemed to think it made sense. My sister has said things to my mom that made her feel small many times too, so she understood what I meant. I hoping that now that I have gotten to the bottom of this I can start changing for the better and building my confidence up again. Yay for psychological progress! I knew I could figure it out.. it's not like I had a complicated, terrible childhood. There weren't a lot of factors I had to sift through to come to this conclusion luckily. As I've said before, I feel very lucky to have been blessed with such great parents and such a good childhood. I don't want this paragraph to sound like a pity party or anything.. it's just nice to figure stuff like that out. I'd like to keep documentation of it, naturally :o)

Unfortunately, I don't think I'm gonna be able to get out of the dorm next semester as I discovered quite awhile ago. After returning from Thanksgiving break, though, I've found that I don't mind it here as much as I thought I did. I've gotten used to the shower with the shoes and the robe, and it's not THAT big of an inconvenience. Granted, my roommate's only been back for a few hours, so we'll see how I'm talking in another couple days. Since I like my room so much, a roommate switch request isn't in the cards unless the roommate chooses to do one. Oh well... I can deal. Maybe I'll become a social butterfly with my newfound revelation and I'll hardly be around next semester. Ha.

I hate the rain. I really truly do. Today I found out the hard way that converse and rain just don't mix. At all. I came home with socks soaked to the foot. It was not fun. I'm disappointed that I can't wear my beloved shoes in wet weather, but I guess my spare pair of shoes will do for now. They seem rather water resistant. I think I'm definitely one of few females who have this problem... that's what I get for not having the stereotypical shoe fetish and only wearing one pair of shoes all the time as a result.

Three weeks and I'm done with the semester. Aaaand the last week I only have three classes to go to the whole week. I'm not worried about most of my finals. I'm looking forward to the break. My mom said some of my old teachers at Lincoln would probably love to have me volunteer in their classrooms during break. That would be so cool. Plus my aunt said I could help her out in her class too. Yay for experience with kids. Let's hope I can still get my job back at Michael's...

Tomorrow I think I'm gonna go to the mall after my classes are over, since I get out at 2:45 on Tuesdays and the mall is only tolerable during the week now that shopping season is upon us. I only have three people left to buy for, and I have ideas of what to get each of them, so hopefully I can finish my Christmas shopping tomorrow. That would make me feel so very accomplished.

This entry is fucking long. Ta! ~BOB

Music: Bright Eyes ~ Let's Not Shit Ourselves

Back To ~ The Future

0 previous comments. (This doesn't work anymore; go sign my guestbook)

Essentials
Recent
Archives
Profile
Diaryland

Extras
Guestbook
Notes
Rings
Wishlist
Livejournal
Cast
BOB 101


Plot Thyself

Feeling: Moody!

Pro-Choice

All entries, images, and layout � 2000-2004, BOB :o)
Lyrics taken from the song Open Book, by Cake.