A Trip to Salinas and Further Confusion
April 17, 2003 - 9:35 a.m.

School has been decent.. classes haven't been bothering me, but all the teachers seem to be piling on the end of semester projects. Somehow ASL and math have become the classes I'm worrying most about, and that's just plain crazy. I getta spend my Easter weekend doing a math project. Now that's my idea of a holiday, how bout you?

Last night, because we both had nothing else to do, Jenny and I took a spur-of-the-moment trip to Salinas. I had to buy some art supplies at Michael's for a collage I'm making in ASL, and we figured a trip to the mall never hurts. I bought the aforementioned supplies and a new purse to replace the one I bought during winter break that proceeded to fall apart and look like crap. Ugh. The new one's a plain blue Jansport, and I like it. When I got home I realized it matches my backpack. Wow. Too bad I'm not one of those girls who gives a shit about that kinda stuff. Anypoo, it's boring right now, and needs to be Laura-fied. I'm considering putting my buttons on the strap, but then my backpack would be naked. It's quite a predicament. I just don't know what to do.

Last night marked a week since I had talked to Charlie, and was therefore the day I allowed myself to IM him again. At first I was considering not doing it till I really felt the need to talk to him, but I opted for IMing him when I was in a good mood. I'm glad I did because if I had put too many expectations into that conversation, I would have been very disappointed. As it was it left me rather glum. At this point, I'm able to talk normally, and he's not. It seems like it should be the other way around since he broke my heart. I dunno though, he won't tell me anything. After talking to ezi I realized this is gonna be the gravitational factor in my healing process. I have too many questions unanswered right now by his unwillingness to talk, and I'm never gonna be able to get over this without filling in the gaps. I don't understand why he can't be honest with me anymore. It used to be easy for him, but apparently that ended about a month and a half ago for some unknown reason. I practically had to force the break up out of him because I picked up on a change. I had to force the fact that he wanted space out of him too. I understand his not wanting ot hurt me, but I think he realizes I couldn't hurt much more, so I don't understand why he won't just open up so all the pieces can fall into place. I guess we all just cope in different ways.

Well I have class in 14 mins now, I suppose I should end this. Ta! ~BOB

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