Rambling
March 27, 2001 - 08:56 p.m.

Y'know what baffles me? Why is the order of my bl on diaryland the order it is? It's not in alphabetical order, it's not the order I listed my favorite diaries, and it's not in order by date. It is just way over my head, and it's buggin the crap outta me.

I hate having the feeling that something is wrong and not knowing why. I've had that feeling a lot in my life lately. I like to think all my unhappiness is caused by stress.. or how much I hate Newark or something, but I just don't know. It's like I don't have enough time to put my finger on it. I like to think if I knew what made me unhappy I could fix it, but I guess I won't know if that's true until it happens, if it happens.

My contacts keep fogging up. It must be cuz I'm tired. I dunno.. they've been fogging up at weird times lately. I getta change them soon, but I dunno if that's gonna help. I think maybe I need to buy some eye drops. I've had contacts over a year now and I've never used eye drops, but I'm told that fogging is a sign of dryness. I find that odd, cuz my eyes were just tearing up (from reading a diary entry) yet they're too dry? I don't get it...

Wow, I just wrote a paragraph about fogging contact lenses. I must be in a really boring mood.

Why am I so tired? I don't understand it. I couldn't sleep as long as I wanted to this weekend, and now I feel like I haven't slept for two years. Holy fuck, I hate my body.

It feels like everything seems to be wasting away in my life. My body is giving up on me... with all my health problems (going to the doctor on Thursday about that.. hallelujah). My car has some kinda weird-ass problem going on. She likes to spuratically shake when I'm stopped for too long.. like at a light or waiting to make a turn. It's kinda scary. I find that if I put her in neutral and pump the gas she's alright, but I'd like to avoid being stranded eventually. Dixie also has an appointment a week from today. It's gonna be weird having my mom take me to school. And lastly, my cd walkman is dying. The actual headphones have been detached for awhile now, I hafta keep reattaching them everytime I use the damn things. Plus, the battery has been running out at an extremely fast pace lately. It's not like I'm using it like crazy or anything either. Plus, most cd players need to be on a flat surface to work correctly. Well, for some reason mine needs to be slightly elevated now or it starts skipping like crazy. Can't really enjoy a song like that. It gets really annoying looking at the cd player and seeing "sorry" every two seconds, too. I think it hasta do with the fact that I had it squished in my back pack quite often lately. That was a stupid idea. Anything that gets put in my back pack ends up looking nothing like itself crunched into a little ball at the bottom of my back pack. It's not that I don't take care of my stuff, it's that my stuff is heavy and it's hard to move tiny things outta the way when you're putting a binder in, rushing to be ready by the time the bell rings. Anyfuck, the purpose of this paragraph is... many objects in my life seem to be on crack.

Wow, I'm tired. But would I ever think of getting to bed early? Of course not. That's just not the way my mind functions. If I can be online, I will be online. Oh fuck, I just remembered those damn notecards. Ugh, I hope I have enough sources to get fifteen of those done by Friday. I need to buy that book I read about in an article about sexism in music this weekend or I'm gonna be screwed as far as notecards go next week. I'm running outta sources to get facts from. I need to watch the videos I listed as sources, but I can't bring myself to watch MTV.. any TV for that matter, unless of course I'm putting off my hw and my mom happens to be watching soaps or Regis and Kelly or Once and Again. Yeah, but especially MTV. Especially those videos. Yes, I sure wanna watch Jay-Z flaunt a buncha half-naked chicks around. That's my idea of a fun time. ARG. But I must, for the sake of my academics.

It's amazing how I start typing and I just can't stop. These paragraphs are intended to be like two sentences long and they end up being two pages long. You'd think I was under the influence of caffeine or some other drug, but I'm not. My fingers might be though. I dunno, you'd hafta talk to them.

Anyfuck, I think I'm gonna end this madness. Ta! ~BOB

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