Not Wanting to be Single... as Usual
July 29, 2003 - 11:51 p.m.

While I was in long distance relationships (which I've.. had more than I'd like to admit), I remember having days when I'd look in the mirror, think I looked good, and said to myself, "I wish he could see me now." Now if I like what I see in the mirror I just feel like it's for nothing, and I must have a warped perception because there's no one out there who wants to be where I am anyway. I know that sounds rather superficial, but I think it summarizes how I feel about myself in general. Even when my self esteem is high for me, it's still low because I judge myself too much based on my current love life. I think I long for love too much. I'm afraid I'm gonna be someone who ends up divorced because I'm so hell bent on one day falling in love and getting married and having kids. I'm afraid I'll jump into my first good relationship, and it won't really be the one for me. I'm just so scared of being lonely, and being aware of it doesn't make it any less true. That seems to be the case with all my problems. I know they exist, but I don't know how to change them. I see the chicks on Sex and the City and I think, "I hope I'm not still single at that age." I can totally see myself turning into a Charlotte who tries so hard to find love. Ugh. I don't wanna be like that. I don't even know why I have such an old fashioned viewpoint of what I want my life to be in the first place. I'm not usually one to follow society's image of what is desirable, but I guess that's what I get for being a hopeless romantic.

Meh.

I have a hot date tomorrow with ezi and her baby nephew. Oh yeah. I'm gonna bring some Jones Soda, and we're gonna go to the park or something. I haven't talked to her about when it will happen though, and she's not online. Boo. Sign on ezi!

Someone come see The Starting Line with me in Sacramento on September 1st. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. I think Homegrown is playing too.. and other drive thru bands. Not soco though. Boo.

Yeah, obviously I'm out of material now. I NEED IDEAS FOR THE HAWAII CATEGORY DOWN THERE! I've been back for almost two weeks.. geez... Ta! ~BOB

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