Lonely
February 1, 2001 - 9:35:04 PM

Friends was good. So was the SNL snippit. (Did I spell that right? I don't think it's a word, so it doesn't matter, right?) An hour of entertainment doesn't count for much though.

Being lonely sucks. Ugh... I'm feeling so much crapiness I don't know how to describe it.

So my dad's bday is tomorrow. He's gonna be 50. That makes me feel old. Simply because I still remember clearly when he turned 40. It's hard to believe I was only six.. almost seven.. at the time. I just have a really good memory.

Why did I hafta choose the most difficult guy to like? I highly doubt I'm gonna be able to convince him to try a relationship no matter how hard I try. I probably won't even try that hard cuz I'm a lame ass. I chicken out. It's just the way I am though, I want to be the positive change people need. I can tell he isn't open with anyone and he keeps everything bottled up inside of him, and I want to be the one to change that. It's not my place. Why can't I convince myself of that?

I hate stress.

There's absolutely nobody online. Why? There's usually at least someone to talk to.

Tomorrow my mom isn't gonna be at work. I forget why, but she isn't. If I have a problem on the phone, I hafta call Angie. Angie's cool and all, but I feel stupid with what I don't know, cuz I don't know a lot. I hate my job.

My goal is to get through tomorrow. Although I know the weekend won't be long enough to satisfy me, I have my dad's bday party, and that'll be fun. I'll have a bit of relaxation. Just a bit though. I can't wait till summer.

Independent study becomes more and more appealing every day.

I feel tired and icky and lonely and depressed. Ugh. Arg. Hmph.

"I'm so lonely I don't even wanna be with myself anymore." ~Dido

I'm gonna go now. It's almost shower time. Ta! ~BOB

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