An Introspective Return
March 24, 2003 - 8:26 p.m.

I've been very introspective the last couple days, and have thought of a lot of stuff to write, but right now I'm much too lazy to get too serious. I'm tiiiired. I got up early today, and I need to catch up on sleep. That's what this weekend will be for. Well, except for Saturday cuz I have the damn assessment for my summer job. That's why I'm going home the weekend after spring break. Ack. I don't mind, though, I like going home. It's better than being here. Call me crazy, but despite the emails the school administration sends us saying that our school isn't a likely spot for terrorism, I still don't feel so safe living on a former army base right now. Of course, I don't feel so safe living in this country right now. But ugh, don't even get me started on the war.

You know when you've taken a long hiatus from your diary, and then so much has happened you can't think of what to write about because you don't wanna write about everything, but you don't wanna just write about a couple of things? Yeah, that would be me right about now.

I got a new shirt for my birthday that my mom ordered but was on backorder. It arrived in the mail while I was at Charlie's house. I wore it today, and I love it. The second I put it on I thought, this is definitely in the running for Laura's favorite shirt. Right now my Pisces shirt has that title though.. it's so comfy. But yeah, I took a picture of me in it that you can find if you click the cam link. Wee.

I can't believe I just wrote an entire paragraph about a shirt. Hello, I am Laura the consumer.

I've realized lately that I focus too much on the future, and rarely live in the present. When I wake up, I automatically think about the day ahead of me. I think I've discussed this before, but it obviously sometimes keeps me from realizing how unhappy I am in the present or from actually being happy in the present. For instance, during my last day in San Diego I couldn't be happy at all because I knew I was flying home later when I didn't want to. I would have liked to enjoy my last few hours with Charlie, but instead I spent them trying not to cry because I didn't want to worry him. Another instance would be this morning when I woke up with a poopy mentality because I hadn't done my hw for ASL and hadn't memorized my music for choir. I knew I had a busy crappy day ahead of me, so I was pessimistic. The day wasn't all that bad afterall, so the pessimism proved pointless.

I guess the first step is being aware of these kinda things. I've been aware of this problem for awhile, but it's really been getting on my nerves lately. I really do wanna enjoy the present as much as possible. I'm hoping it will be like when I used to get tummy aches in the morning last year. I realized it was psychological, but then they got worse. Eventually after I had known it was psychological for awhile, I earned the will power to move on and not get the tummy aches. Hopefully I'll reach that point soon and start living in the moment.

Hey, what do you know, I did get somewhat introspective. Whoda thunk it?

Well I'm off to play my latest online game addiction. I'd give you a link, but I'm just too lazy tonight. Ta! ~BOB

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