Not to Blame
January 24, 2001 - 6:26:29 PM

I have come to the conclusion that I'm gonna flunk my math final on Friday. There's no hope. Claudia and I studied for three and a half hours today and I am no where near confident on the crap the test covers. I hate math with a passion. It's right there on hate island with Randy (inside joke). I'll end up with a C in the class.. giving me a B in gpa. That means I can still maintain a 4.0 with an A in my other weighted class. If the final really is 20% of our grade though, I could get a D which would totally fuck everything up. I'm gonna try, but no amount of effort will get me a good grade on that test. I just don't have the mind for math.

I signed this dude's guestbook and he linked me on his diary. Yup, that's right, I have been linked. Nobody's ever linked me before. :::Does the I-got-linked dance:::

I did purdy good on finals today though. It's cuz I brought my two good luck charms to school. I sang to the best of my ability in choir despite my cold, and all the other sopranos said Holly and I were the loudest. Mrs. Lasit said we sing really well together. For the final at the end of the school year we're gonna sing A Whole New World from Aladdin together.

I didn't feel good about the history test when I took it, but apparently I'm better at guessing than I had imagined cuz I got the highest grade in the class. (Ms. Kirby had the TA grade the tests after we had finished.) Yay me. Something tells me my good luck won't last though. I'm actually worried about the ASL final.. mainly cuz I have no idea how to sign a narrative and we hafta explain that. Don't even get me started on how bad I'm gonna do on Friday. :::sigh::: I hate life.

Do you ever feel like just locking yourself in your room with the christmas lights, lava lamp, tornado lamp, and disco ball on listening to every cd you own for hours and hours and hours without anyone disturbing you at all? Sometimes it just feels good to be alone.

It's weird, despite the fact that I know there are tons of people who feel the same way about Monica and Randy's relationship as I do, I still feel like everybody's ganging up on me. Perhaps that's because I've had three people nagging me today about how it's my fault, blah blah blah. I refuse to feel responsible for Monica's decision.

Zach's been really depressed lately and I feel bad. I know it's not my fault, but I just wish I could make him feel better. He's a good person and he doesn't deserve the kinda shit he's feeling.

Tonight I have dance class. I'm looking forward to it. I enjoy dancing, and I enjoy the people in the class. At times, they're too cheesey and sugar-sweet for me, but right now I could use some nice people in my life who don't blame everything on me. Dance will act as a stress release for me tonight. Then I'll take a shower and climb into my big, welcoming bed to find solace in music until I drift into dreams that describe a world that is not so miserable.

Ah, to be young and innocent again.

"I search your profile for a translation. I study the conversation like a map cuz I know there is strength in the differences between us, and I know there is comfort where we overlap." ~Ani DiFranco

Me go now. Ta! ~BOB

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