Where Did August Come From?!
August 1, 2003 - 12:09 a.m.

Today I had to get up very early, and it was not fun. I hafta do it again tomorrow, yet I am strangely not sleeping right now. I'm not exactly tired. I guess that would be why. Work was crazy. It started very, very slow. I didn't have a single customer for the first half hour the store was open (and I was the only person ringing, mind you), but by the time I left at three, the place was packed with people. Poor Mark had a long-ass line of people when I was cashing out. I felt for the guy. That's happened to me way too many times. At the beginning of the day when it was slow, Tammy told me to straighten the stuff near the front of the store. Man, you shoulda seen that shit. It was straighter than straight. Then I just kinda stood around until stuff picked up cuz I had nothing to do.

My parents went to a concert tonight, so I had the house to myself. I used the time to watch nine episodes of Friends. Yes, nine. I've finished the third disk of the third season. One more disk to go, and I'm on to season four! God, I'm such an addict. This is by far my favorite season though. I watched the episodes where Ross and Rachel break up today. Ah, so many good lines. My new favorite (because I used to be obsessed with Gloria Estefan when I was a youngin):

(Joey enters the apartment singing and dancing and then exits right away.)
Monica (I think it was her at least): Oh, I guess Joey got the part in that play.
Chandler: Either that or Gloria Estefan was right, and eventually the rhythm is, in fact, going to get you.

Charlie removed me as a favorite today, and I really wasn't surprised. In fact, I had been wondering for awhile when that would happen. Yesterday I even considered removing him, but I didn't wanna appear as a bitch by doing it first. Me and my not wanting to appear bitchy, geez. Now if only he'll send me the money he owes me, I can eliminate him from my life altogether. I've been waiting for that kinda closure for awhile. The truth of the matter is, though, that lately I've been missing him more than I have in awhile. I did a good job of falling out of love because I realized he wasn't the person I fell in love with anymore anyway. The problem is that I still miss that person despite the fact that he no longer exists. Maybe it's the concept I miss more than anything... having someone who loved me for being who I am (or thought he did anyway). I'll always cherish the memories of times when I felt important, loved, and completely comfortable in someone else's arms, even if I know it was all a lie now. At this point, I wouldn't even consider being friends with the person he's become, but it's so hard to let go of the memories of the person he once was to me. I guess it's kinda like the death of my cat that I still haven't gotten over despite the fact that it happened over two years ago; I know there's no way I'll ever get that back because he doesn't exist anymore, but I still wish he did in a way. I feel like I'm backtracking by feeling this way although I probably felt it all along. I was just really good at pushing it into the back of my mind (probably the same reason I'm not over Lucky's death). I think it's all Yellowcard's fault and that damn song One Year, Six Months. Even if you're happy it makes you cry!

It felt good to get that out. Knowing that he most likely doesn't read this anymore helps. A lot.

I got sick on Nerds tonight. I have such a weakness for those little weirdly-shaped sugar mounds it's sad. My tongue is also not happy with me. When my parents got home my mom asked if I had company or something from all the food I had lying around. I was like, "oh yeah, my secret lova. I forgot to tell you about him!" Psh.. I wish. I think she forgot I'm a loser, and when I have the house to myself I spend nights alone watching endless episodes of Friends.

My carpal tunnel is kicking in, and I hafta be up in less than seven hours. That's my cue to leave. Ta! ~BOB

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