Oh, Oh.. Guess Who Got Dumped Again?!
January 3, 2001 - 7:01:15 PM

We sang new music in choir. We're gonna be doing some cool songs in the concert. It's gonna be sweet.

History was boring. I was soooo tired. Ms. Kirby stopped the notes cuz everyone was zoning and had us do id's. I already finished my id's, so I read some of The Red Badge of Courage. I figured out I'm about half-way through the book, farther than I thought I was. That brought my spirits up.

Lunch was fun. Jamie hung out with us. We created a plethera of inside jokes.

The Golden State Exams weren't really that bad. People made me think they were horrid, but I think I aced the multiple choice, and the essays were such lame topics it was easy.

Work was ok. At this one point I got like 7 calls in a row. It was hell. I had people frustrated with me cuz I put them on hold so much. Ugh. Oh well.. I don't care.

I went to the bank after work and deposited Christmas checks and pay checks. Who's got money?? (who's giving it to her parents soon....)

I got home and my sister was on the puter. That frustrated me cuz I was wiped and all I wanted to do was talk to Zach. I wish I hadn't.

Zach has a gf. Yes, Lorah got her heart broken once again. How many times is that? four? seems like 500... it hurts more every time.

Never trust anything with a penis.

This is the shortest I've known I person a fell for, and the most I've gotten hurt. I usually don't cry when this happens.. this time was different. That's because I knew he was different.. or so I thought. I thought it was real. And to think I was ready to tell him I love him...

And I still do love him. I hope he's happy. I really do. I hope that girl doesn't break his heart, cuz if she does I'll personally go over to Pennsylvania and kick her goddamn ass cuz he's so fucking perfect.

I need to find a reason to wake up in the morning again. I always rely on a crush or a love. I'm codependent and it bugs the crap outta me. My goal now is to be free of guys... so I can prove to myself I'm my own person. I'm strong enough to not like a guy. I know I am.

Last night I found solace in Sarah McLachlan's cd Solace. (How ironic is that?) I decided I'm gonna set aside a weekend that's just me. No friends, no family, no nothing. I need to figure myself out. There are still too many gaps. If that doesn't work, I'm gonna go to a psychiatrist. I decided that before this whole thing. Now I need it even more.

Holy fuck this year is gonna suck.

"If I cried me a river of all my confessions would I drown in my shallow regret?" ~Sarah McLachlan

I think I'm gonna go in my room and cry and listen to Sarah some more. Ta! ~BOB

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