Ugh
December 24, 2000 - 1:24:55 PM

Monica's scaring me. I feel like I should do something to help her, but I also feel like she doesn't want my help from some of the things she says in her diary. I just hope she realizes that people care about her and we don't want her to do anything to hurt herself. I think that's why my tummy hurts.. worrying about Monica.

I don't wanna go to the mall. I hafta call the store and make sure my dad's present is ready before I go cuz I don't wanna wait there. The traffic will be terrible. My goal is to get the first parking space I see, run in, get the present, run out, and get the hell outta the mall area. That will probably take an hour and a half. Ugh. This is not gonna be fun.

Last night was hell. We went out to eat with my aunt, cousins, and grandma. I hate my family in general. I love them individually, hate them in general. Wonderful how that happens. I just don't fit in. It's always been the adults, the twenty-somethings, and Laura. When I was little the adults would let me sit with them outta pity and then talk about stuff I knew nothing about. Or I'd sit with the teens (they were teens then) and they'd totally ignore me. I hated it. I had to hold back tears at the table and then go to the bathroom to gather myself back up again. Some of the twenty-somethings treat me a little more as an equal now, but I still don't feel like I belong.

"You and your wife will be happy in your life together." <---what my fortune cookie read. Isn't that grand?

I got home and had to deal with all my friends' problems.. while my family was still here. I had little time to think about how I'm depressed when I was thinking about how my friends are depressed. How do I get involved in this kinda stuff? Somehow I attract depressed people. I love my friends though.

Zach made me feel better though. Zach's cool like that. Everyone should have a friend like Zach.

I didn't getta write an entry yesterday, and it was Jerry's birthday. So, now I getta sing Happy Birthday to him in this entry. Everybody join me now!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JERRY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

He's 17 too. What's up with all these people being older than me?! Ugh. Oh well, that'll be a good thing when we're 70.

I'm really light-headed. I need food, but there's nothing good to eat in this house.

My mom's picking up my dad at the airport. I should prolly call Keepsake Factory before they get home. That would be a good idea.

Well, I'm gonna go now. I have shit to do that I don't wanna do. Ta ~BOB

Back To ~ The Future