|
Selfish Bitch I think I just lived the worst 24 hours of my life. If people are gonna judge me on this entry, so be it, this is where I vent. I have come to realize a lot of people dislike me, and I have come to realize why they dislike me, or at least why I dislike me. Maybe I just make too much outta everything, but I feel very selfish. I feel selfish for liking Kelby cuz I know if I hook up with Jason he's gonna get hurt in the end. I feel selfish for being hurt by the fact that Jeremy has found someone else because he didn't react this badly when I liked Jerry. He told me off a couple nights ago and all I felt was offended, but now I know he was right. I expected him to understand when I liked 4 guys at once, but he's finally getting what he wants and all I care about is myself. There's another reason I feel selfish. I should be happy for him. I want to be happy for him, but I can't. Selfish bitch, selfish bitch, selfish bitch. 5 and a half hours of hw has fried my brain. I still have 35 pages to read tonight, plus I hafta do most of the chapter 6 study guide by Wednesday. That's gonna take forever. I getta fry my brain some more for the next couple nights. Fun fun. More reasons to pity myself and feel selfish cuz of it. I can't wait till Thanksgiving Break. It won't be long enough cuz I'm anticipating it so much, but at least I can get away from the stress and drama of school. If one of my teachers lays a big project on me or something, I'm moving to Australia. Either that or killing the teacher. I hope it's not one I like in that case. I getta make placecards for our Thanksgiving dinner at my grandparents' house. It should be an interesting event.. 18 people including all kindsa cousins and aunts and uncles and even Karen and her bf (rarity alert!). Karen and I always used to make placecards when we were little, it's been awhile since I have though. That'll be fun to do. If I have the time.. geeeeeeez.. damn teachers. Yeah, so my plan is to ask Jason to go to the deaf event on Friday with me. I'll give him a guilt trip since he said no last time if need be. It wouldn't be like a date since it would be for school, right? If you add the word date to it, I get all nervous and sweaty. Don't want that. Besides, he'll prolly be a fartass and say no. Just to make me a selfish self-pitying bitch even more. Yesterday Jenny said she'd see me in hell. Today Jerry said I'm the devil. Is this some kinda prediction for my future? Oh well. Ah, fuck I need to do Christmas shopping. Hopefully I don't have too much hw next weekend so I can on Sunday. Saturday we're going to my sister's senior photography show. She's been planning it for like a year. It's gonna be big. Then Jenny, Monica, and me are gonna see ASS ASS ins. Stacha pissed on my hw tonight. No joke. I hope Ms. Kirby just thinks it's lemonade, cuz I sure as hell am not gonna write a page front and back over again. I've had enough of those fuckin id's. I thought going online for awhile would help my mind feel a little less fried so I can concentrate on those 35 pages of The Red Badge of Courage, but I still feel light-headed and.. well.. miserable. It's gonna be a long, long week. Well, I think I'm gonna devote my time to something.. well.. I dunno. Something. I need a nice warm shower and a Tori Amos cd. That's what I need. I'll get the shower part, but I have too much reading to do for Tori. :::sniff::: Do you think eventually this downhill slope will cause me to burst? I sure hope so.. that would be more interesting at least. I dunno how I would burst or if it would make things better, but at least they would change. At least I wouldn't be caught in this montonous downhill slope I've been on for about a year. Damn 2000. Y2K didn't get my puter, it got my brain and my heart. Oh yeah, once again I forgot to end this with the paragraph I meant to end with. Ta! ~BOB 0 previous comments. (This doesn't work anymore; go sign my guestbook)
|
|
Essentials Recent Archives Profile Diaryland Extras
Feeling:
|
