You think she's an open book, but you don't know which page to turn to, do you?

I Can't Think of any Words to Describe this Entry
August 13, 2000 - 2:27:40 PM

I feel sick again. It's not cuz of my eating habits this time. It's cuz of Jeremy. I just got done talking to him, and I'd hafta say that's the most awkward conversation I've had in ages. Basically, Jenny responded to him with an email saying she basically feels the same way. He was like expecting me to respond to reading the email somehow, but I didn't know what to say. I told him he should go get her while he can and not let me stand in his way. I knew that was the right thing to say, so I said it. I felt like screaming, "Don't you realize what you're doing to me?! Can't you see I've been a total mess since Thursday cuz I got too wrapped up on you?!" but I have more tact than that. No use whining at this point. It's over. It's amazing how something that was so strong just a week ago can fade away so fast, but I can tell I'm slowly (but painfully) losing feeling for him cuz of this whole thing. I needed something little like him liking Jenny to make me realize how unrealistic wanting him in the first place was. As much as I'd like to stay where we were, I know I just hafta let go of my feelings for him. Long distance relationships never work out. I shoulda known that from previous experience. I really don't care if he reads this cuz I feel like it's kinda an unspoken truth that both of us have realized already. It's over. It never really was ever given a chance to start, but it's over.

I'm in a Letters to Cleo mood. Letters to Cleo is a kick butt band. I wish I could somehow find one of their cd's. No stores in this fricken bay area sells Letters to Cleo cd's! I have like 6 Letters to Cleo mp3's and the 10 Things I Hate About You soundtrack to get my Letters to Cleo fix, but that's all. I really wish other people would realize what a cool band they are so their cd's would be easier to find. If anyone out there knows any store in the San Francisco bay area that sells Letters to Cleo cd's, please let me know!

My tongue still hurts. I was expecting it to peal or something, but I don't think it peals anymore. I think it just kills for days and then goes away. How kind of it. As if there wasn't enough pain in my life already.

I guess all this technically means I currently don't have a crush anymore. That's weird. I'm usually at least focusing on some guy. I don't know what to think about when I don't have some guy to daydream about. That's why I usually get most depressed when there isn't anybody I'm really interested in out there. Yeah, so I'll prolly develop some lame crush on some guy I'll never have a chance with and end up torn to pieces again. That's the Laura thing to do it seems.

"As for the part about having something more let's not pretend it's like it was before. And I wish I could say that it's not because of you, but it's because of you, and are you sorry?" <---I can relate to Letters to Cleo

Why is it that every fricken song I listen to I can relate to? It's like in the song Superhero by Ani Difranco where she says, "and every pop song on the radio is suddenly speaking to me. Yeah, art may imitate life, but life imitates TV." Good lord... I can relate to that song, too! Oh, yay, I found a song that I don't relate to. Thank you Vervepipe!

I believe I should start doing something productive. I hafta get Angela something today and I have hw to do. So.. probably until tonight knowing how emotional I've been lately... ta! ~BOB

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Lyrics taken from the song Open Book, by Cake.