Emotional
August 7, 2000 - 11:04:30 PM

I'm really lonely right now. It sucks. I hate it when you're online and you're not IMing anyone, but there are like 6 people on your buddylist. When you're in a bad mood, you just wait for others to IM you cuz you feel like if you IMed them they wouldn't really be wanting to talk to you. When you're online for 2 hours and no one IM's you, then you start to think they really don't wanna talk to you. I'm sure they're just busy with other stuff or think I'm busy with other stuff, but it still makes me feel more lonely. Y'know what else sucks? When you hear the lil IM noise and you feel kinda hopeful, and then you look and it's porn. I hate porn. I get it a lot with my sn, too. Sometimes the sn's that IM you with porn are purdy funny and you can get a good laugh, but most of the time it's just a big pain the butt. Especially when you're lonely. That's why I switched sn's. I hardly ever use the sn I'm on, but the only people who know it are close friends, and anyone else on my buddylist I could IM and totally surprise and that way I wouldn't feel like they didn't wanna talk to me. I dunno why not, but I wouldn't.

I hate soap operas. I grew up watching them, and they were just a way of life when I was little, but then I started growing up and realizing how fake and dramatic they are. I don't see how my mom could be so addicted to them. I almost spewed when I was in there waiting for an mp3 to finish dling before I switched sn's a couple mins ago. She was watching General Hospital and Jax and Chloe were all cuddly and they saw a shooting star and Jax was like, "Make a wish," and Chloe said, "Everything I would wanna wish for I already have." THEN LAURA PUKED!!! I've heard that most people watch soap operas to experience what they don't have in life.. well, I watched what I don't have and it just made me feel worse. Maybe my mind just doesn't work that way. Maybe I just really want Jeremy right now.

I really want Jeremy right now. I really wanna be with him right now. I wouldn't mind just talking to him right now. I just want some kinda contact with Jeremy right now.

Jenny got to see Jeremy again today. Joy, joy. Isn't Jenny lucky, though? Do you think green is a good color on me? Ok, it was cool the first time, but now I'm just plain jealous. Oh wait, I was jealous to begin with. Ok, now I'm just extremely jealous. Jenny can come back to Newark now. I'd do the rest of my history hw right now if I could trade spots with her. There are a lot of things I would do right now to trade spots with her, but that's not gonna happen. Let's think realistically. Oh wait, I already am. That's why I feel like shit.

I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow. Usually I hate Mondays and dread another 5 days of getting up earlier than I would like to, but now I'm just like yay, I don't hafta sit in my house and dwell on the fact that I can't be with Jeremy. My luck, I finally start enjoying my job to its fullest and I only have two weeks left of it. I'm gonna miss those kids so much when it's over.

I think I know why I'm so emotional.. I think it's cuz I'm PMSing. Yeah, I'm breaking out too, that must be it. I hate being female. If I was male I wouldn't want Jeremy. Oh, knowing my luck I'd prolly be gay and still want Jeremy. And then he wouldn't want me cuz he's straight and I'd be even more miserable. Well, I wouldn't be as emotional right now cuz if I was male I wouldn't be PMSing.

Jenny just told me that she took a sticky pic (she has one of those izone cameras) of Jeremy and she's gonna put it on the postcard she's sending me. I almost started crying. I think it was cuz she was gonna keep it a surprise but she told me anyway cuz she knew I was in a bad mood. That made me feel loved. Good lord am I emotional right now. I don't ever remember being this bad during PMS before. Oh wait, yeah I do.. never mind.

Well, I gotta get going to take a shower. I totally forgot until my mom said something. Sometimes her nagging comes in handy. I hope I'll be a lil more light-hearted tomorrow. Ta! ~BOB

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