Kitty Heaven, Lorah Hell
January 11, 2001 - 6:30:16 PM

Holy fuck, I feel like shit.

This morning I came down with a cold. I stayed healthy for all those months people were really sick, and then I got sick. Of course, it had to come the day after my cat died when I was on the rag. When else would it be so appropriate?

Today I found out through a reliable source that people I don't care too terribly much for are most likely reading my diary. That kinda disturbs me a little bit. I still don't understand why people who supposedly hate me wanna read about my life anyway. Are their lives really that boring? It's not so much that I care about what they think about me, but the fact that these people I don't like are reading my personal thoughts and emotions that bothers me. I'm considering putting a password on my diary, but I'm not sure yet. I still want people who I don't know to be able to read my writing. For some reason that appeals to me.

I drew a picture of Stacha in Kitty Heaven in PE. She had a halo and wings. Kitty Heaven was complete with a bouncy ball, turkey, mice, and butterflies. I kinda didn't realize we had to turn the paper in, but oh well. I hope Mrs. Nolan enjoys my pretty picture.. hehe.

For some reason, when people express sympathy about the Stacha situation I don't know how to respond.

Nice Person: I'm sorry about your cat.

Lorah: (awkward pause) um.. it's ok.

No, it's not ok. I'm still upset, but I don't know what to say. Thank you? That seems kinda odd.. thanking people for their sympathy.

The odd thing is, despite all this crap I'm going through, despite the rain (I hate this weather.), I'm feeling strangely optimistic. I don't know what it is. Usually I wouldn't have the motivation to do hw after school or anything, but I do. Maybe it's cuz this all seems like a dream. The whole burrying Stacha thing was so movie like with the rain and everything. I don't think reality has quite settled in.

My back hurts, my throat hurts, my uterus hurts, my heart hurts. Ugh. When will it end?

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: Music and cats." ~Albert Schweitzer

Me go now. Ta! ~BOB

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