I Just Want a Second Chance
April 7, 2003 - 12:11 p.m.

I talked to him on the phone for an hour and a half yesterday. It helped me see things more cleary.. I finally got him to talk about his feelings and more specific reasons why he did it.

I talked to my sister for about an hour too. She helped a lot.. she had a boyfriend in Spain that she had to move away from and experience culture shock at the same time that she was getting over a broken heart, so she had lots of advice. It left me with a sense of hope, but that hope tends to fade easily at this point.

I hardly slept at all last night.. I think I was worried about going to class when I was so depressed. I also think I have a fever. My sister said it's possible to make yourself so upset that you get sick. I was cold all night, and it's never cold in this dorm. Then when I woke up I felt like I was burning up. I was dizzy and could hardly stand up for a whole shower. I still can't manage to eat much food without feeling like I'm gonna throw up. I'm still going from hot to cold to hot to cold on a regular basis.

I think I'm gonna ditch choir cuz I need to rest. I haven't cried at all today, and I think it's mainly because I'm too exhausted and too focused on my physical well being to cry. It's refreshing not to be crying all the time like I have been for the last three days. I hope it lasts.

I still can't help but blame myself even though he doesn't even know why he doesn't want a relationship anymore. I still have this feeling that I did something wrong, that I could have been better. I know he still loves me and thinks I'm a good person, and that doesn't hafta do with the break up, but I still feel like it's at least somewhat my fault.

I just want a second chance.

Ta! ~BOB

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