If I'm Not Tortured How Are We Ever Going to Relate?
February 18, 2004 - 12:41 a.m.

I've been crushing on a boy. A very cute boy. A boy who's very much my type. A boy I probably don't have much of a chance with. Tonight I asked his good friend if she thought I was wasting my time by having a crush on him, and she told me that knowing him and his fear of commitment the most that would happen would be some making out. Now, I'm not the type to just make out with somebody, and this is mainly because I automatically become attached and feelings happen and even if it stops there for them, it doesn't stop there for me. Yet for some reason this knowledge hasn't ended the crush. Nope. I'm all determined and shit. Determined for failure. I can't feel rejected until he rejects me himself. I'm also the kinda person who tries to get the rejection done and over with if it's gonna happen, so I'll be quick to admit my feelings to someone. The longer I let the crush infest itself, the bigger it becomes and the more it hurts when I'm rejected. The question now is where do I go from here? I'm determined to attain the unattainable, but I have no idea where to begin. I'm prepared for pain, but I don't know how to bring that pain upon myself.

Ahem. And now for something that actually looks like it was written by an almost 20 year old instead of a 15 year old.

I think I'll list the music I've been listening to a lot lately: Reeve Oliver, Copeland, Mae, The Format, Jason Mraz, Maxeen. I am enjoying all fo these artists very much. They all hold special places in my heart. Today was a total Format day. I listened to Reeve Oliver as I walked to class (as is my way lately), but the rest of the day it was aaaaall The Format. One of the times I listened to the entire cd while reading the lyrics. I have a tendency to do that when I fall in love with a cd. It really helps. Sometimes you don't even realize you didn't know some of the lyrics, and they're so much more beautiful than you thought they were.

Tonight I made a poll on my livejournal, and one of the questions it asked was "would you make out with me?" I mostly did it as a joke and to see how many of the guys who read my journal would say yes. What happened kinda surprised me... two of the three people who have said yes so far were female. And females I didn't even know dug chicks. I guess it's good to know that I'm appealing to women. I have that to fall back on when I finally give up on men. They don't seem to be coming through for me as of late.

Wow I wrote a lot without even trying. I guess I had a lot more to get out than I realized. Ta! ~BOB

Music: The Format ~ Career Day

Back To ~ The Future